It's been a LONG while
4 years ago
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Quick, Public Thank-you to My Wonderful Wife
You've spent virtually the entire month of June getting paperwork together, interfacing with our newest adoption agency, organizing everything for our international home study, and everything else to make sure the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed. But even more importantly to me, you've been getting and reading books about Ethiopia's history, about the situation of the children there, and even getting children's books for our future little one. You've thought of how to decorate the nursery, how to help the baby feel comfortable in a new place with new people, and how to embrace Ethiopian culture as part of our family. You've searched for local groups that we and our child can be a part of to learn and grow, and you're excited to go to an Ethiopian restaurant next week to try the food. Your excitement for, and dedication to, international adoption mean so much to me :o)
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Today's Class
Well, the day of our latest class arrived. We're done taking the classes we HAVE to take, and are now taking whatever classes they'll let us take (especially the ones with free snacks, lunch, and helpful information!). Today's topic from 9am to 4pm; Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
First off, some facts I thought were interesting.
1. Around 10% of children exposed to alcohol prenatally develop the full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). The rest have varying levels of the same challenges known as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).
2. There is a "look" that FAS children have, like, but not similar, to the "look" down syndrome individuals have.
3. Some of the strengths FAS and FASD children have are a significant portion of the kindergarten curriculum, so alot of kids don't get diagnosed and therefore don't get the accommodations that would help them.
4. Alcohol affects the brain (in an adult as well as a fetus).
5. FAS(D) kids mature at an average rate of 1 year every two years, so even if they would be able to move out and take care of themselves for the most part, it may not happen until their late 30s.
6. Time outs used to be given to kids to give them time to regain control of themselves, NOT as a punishment in and of itself. We should focus more on teaching, and less on "discipline".
If you want to learn more, feel free to search the web, or let us know and we'll share anything we have.
Now, a fact that really frustrates me.
1. FAS and FASD are 100% preventable. All You have to do is be a pregnant lady, and not drink alcohol while you're pregnant. i.e., Don't force deadly chemicals down your baby's gullet before they have a working liver (or EVER) and make them swim around in alcoholic amniotic fluid. Just DON'T!
The class was incredibly informative. The keynote speaker was a lady from Washington who has 8 kids at home (6 others that have moved out) and all but like three of them have FAS or FASD, so uh, she had a little bit of info to share... There was also a Panel with representatives from 5 different organizations devoted to mental illnesses and doing whatever they can to help families, children and adults with mental illnesses. Honestly, it restored some faith in humanity and even government. There are so many people out there that we've met in a variety of forums that devote their lives to helping people, and a lot of it can only happen as a result of your tax dollars at work.
I know how smart Carrie is and how good she is with kids, but I just want to mention here that I was amazed at how much of the material shared today was stuff she already knew. The speaker would share some technique for helping kids learn even if they have difficulties, and without fail, it would be something I've seen Carrie do with her class before. No matter how inadequate I feel at times, I gain confidence just knowing that she's there. As an interesting side note, a lot of the characteristics of FAS kids are characteristics of virtually every 1st grader on the planet, so Carrie has 9 years of experience dealing with all of that :o)
Lastly, here are some thoughts Carrie and I had as we discussed the material from the class.
1. We all need accommodations. We all have weaknesses and we take steps to hedge ourselves against those weaknesses. Some people just need more accommodations than others. The important thing, whether you have a child with mental illness or not, is to do what it takes to help them learn and gain confidence. Carrie knows I tend to understand a concept better if it has some reference to sports or tools or projects, so here's how she explained it to me. Imagine one boy who's born and in his tool belt he has all of the tools necessary to be an electrician. Another boy is born with the tools to do sheetrock. You shouldn't put the first boy into a room and expect him to be able to sheetrock a room as well as the second unless you give him a trowel. I can't remember things nearly as well as Carrie, so I have a little electronic device that I use to help myself remember. That's one of MY accommodations. What's in YOUR tool belt?
2. Accommodations given to children with mental challenges are often unfairly viewed as pandering, while accommodations to people with physical challenges are not. Imagine how ludicrous it would be to tell someone who's blind that they don't REALLY need Braille in order to read. They just need to try harder! Yet that is what is often done to individuals with mental illness simply because it isn't obvious.
3. We all have a road map that tells us how to raise kids. Carrie's Mom had a map that told her that certain behavior required a right turn to correct. That worked great! and then came along Mikey :o) She turned right and it was a disaster! The speaker said that raising a child with FASD is like trying to get around Seattle with a map of San Francisco. All parents, no matter who their kids are or what challenges they face, should consider tweaking their map to the learning styles of their kids, rather than forcing the child to operate under your paradigm (Somebody please remind me of this in a few years when I'm butting heads with my kid)
4. Lastly, a quote from the speaker. Don't try harder, just try different. A lot of parents feel like they are bad parents, when they are not, or feel like the kids must be bad, when they are not. Maybe you just need to try thinking of a different way to do things. Elaine did that with Mike, and together they were able to make a pretty good guy. In other words, seek for an appropriate response, rather than an inappropriate reaction.
5. We love how learning one thing can create a wagon wheel of thoughts that spoke out in all sorts of directions and help you in so many other aspects of your life. Learning about parenting is fun :o)
Uhm. The End.
First off, some facts I thought were interesting.
1. Around 10% of children exposed to alcohol prenatally develop the full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). The rest have varying levels of the same challenges known as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).
2. There is a "look" that FAS children have, like, but not similar, to the "look" down syndrome individuals have.
3. Some of the strengths FAS and FASD children have are a significant portion of the kindergarten curriculum, so alot of kids don't get diagnosed and therefore don't get the accommodations that would help them.
4. Alcohol affects the brain (in an adult as well as a fetus).
5. FAS(D) kids mature at an average rate of 1 year every two years, so even if they would be able to move out and take care of themselves for the most part, it may not happen until their late 30s.
6. Time outs used to be given to kids to give them time to regain control of themselves, NOT as a punishment in and of itself. We should focus more on teaching, and less on "discipline".
If you want to learn more, feel free to search the web, or let us know and we'll share anything we have.
Now, a fact that really frustrates me.
1. FAS and FASD are 100% preventable. All You have to do is be a pregnant lady, and not drink alcohol while you're pregnant. i.e., Don't force deadly chemicals down your baby's gullet before they have a working liver (or EVER) and make them swim around in alcoholic amniotic fluid. Just DON'T!
The class was incredibly informative. The keynote speaker was a lady from Washington who has 8 kids at home (6 others that have moved out) and all but like three of them have FAS or FASD, so uh, she had a little bit of info to share... There was also a Panel with representatives from 5 different organizations devoted to mental illnesses and doing whatever they can to help families, children and adults with mental illnesses. Honestly, it restored some faith in humanity and even government. There are so many people out there that we've met in a variety of forums that devote their lives to helping people, and a lot of it can only happen as a result of your tax dollars at work.
I know how smart Carrie is and how good she is with kids, but I just want to mention here that I was amazed at how much of the material shared today was stuff she already knew. The speaker would share some technique for helping kids learn even if they have difficulties, and without fail, it would be something I've seen Carrie do with her class before. No matter how inadequate I feel at times, I gain confidence just knowing that she's there. As an interesting side note, a lot of the characteristics of FAS kids are characteristics of virtually every 1st grader on the planet, so Carrie has 9 years of experience dealing with all of that :o)
Lastly, here are some thoughts Carrie and I had as we discussed the material from the class.
1. We all need accommodations. We all have weaknesses and we take steps to hedge ourselves against those weaknesses. Some people just need more accommodations than others. The important thing, whether you have a child with mental illness or not, is to do what it takes to help them learn and gain confidence. Carrie knows I tend to understand a concept better if it has some reference to sports or tools or projects, so here's how she explained it to me. Imagine one boy who's born and in his tool belt he has all of the tools necessary to be an electrician. Another boy is born with the tools to do sheetrock. You shouldn't put the first boy into a room and expect him to be able to sheetrock a room as well as the second unless you give him a trowel. I can't remember things nearly as well as Carrie, so I have a little electronic device that I use to help myself remember. That's one of MY accommodations. What's in YOUR tool belt?
2. Accommodations given to children with mental challenges are often unfairly viewed as pandering, while accommodations to people with physical challenges are not. Imagine how ludicrous it would be to tell someone who's blind that they don't REALLY need Braille in order to read. They just need to try harder! Yet that is what is often done to individuals with mental illness simply because it isn't obvious.
3. We all have a road map that tells us how to raise kids. Carrie's Mom had a map that told her that certain behavior required a right turn to correct. That worked great! and then came along Mikey :o) She turned right and it was a disaster! The speaker said that raising a child with FASD is like trying to get around Seattle with a map of San Francisco. All parents, no matter who their kids are or what challenges they face, should consider tweaking their map to the learning styles of their kids, rather than forcing the child to operate under your paradigm (Somebody please remind me of this in a few years when I'm butting heads with my kid)
4. Lastly, a quote from the speaker. Don't try harder, just try different. A lot of parents feel like they are bad parents, when they are not, or feel like the kids must be bad, when they are not. Maybe you just need to try thinking of a different way to do things. Elaine did that with Mike, and together they were able to make a pretty good guy. In other words, seek for an appropriate response, rather than an inappropriate reaction.
5. We love how learning one thing can create a wagon wheel of thoughts that spoke out in all sorts of directions and help you in so many other aspects of your life. Learning about parenting is fun :o)
Uhm. The End.
Friday, June 19, 2009
The Last Clue
For those of you who haven't figured out which country our little one is coming from, here's a few more hints.
There's nothing like a good children's book to help you feel connected to the world and to teach you about, well, anything you want to learn.
I've been on Amazon a lot the past few days and here are a few of my purchases:
There's nothing like a good children's book to help you feel connected to the world and to teach you about, well, anything you want to learn. Thursday, June 18, 2009
We Have Chosen
We've known what country we are going to adopt from for a few days now. In fact, we already have batches of paperwork done for our International Homestudy (because we are homestudy KINGS!) and we are awaiting the batches of paperwork from our adoption agency. We love paperwork!
We've had these pictures up for almost 5 years now, but the lettering was a recent addition this past winter. Just for fun, here's a picture of Zack adding the lettering.
If you're still unsure as to which country we've chosen, tune in tomorrow when I'll probably add another hint.
We're already dreaming about how this new little person will fit into our family. Our family is unique in that we've never been able to have a real family picture of sorts. So we settled for something else. We have a picture of a flower to represent each family member. I'm a red rose, as per Zack's request. Zack's a sunflower because, well, do you KNOW Zack? And Joshua is a white daisy. We're not sure why, but we both thought he was a daisy independent of each other.
Our family portrait currently looks like this.
We've had these pictures up for almost 5 years now, but the lettering was a recent addition this past winter. Just for fun, here's a picture of Zack adding the lettering.
Don't worry. I was ready to call 911 if he fell down the stairs.
Every new addition to the family gets their own picture on the wall and, if possible, their flower planted in the yard somewhere. (Which reminds me we still don't have sunflowers out there. This needs to be remedied.)
For our newest addition, we've chosen this flower:
If you're still unsure as to which country we've chosen, tune in tomorrow when I'll probably add another hint.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Countries to Consider
It's fun to hear all your comments about which countries to adopt from. Keeeep 'em comin'.
Since I'm currently filling my brain with all sorts of information about adoption from different countries, I've decided to spill my brain into this blog for everyone to read! I'm going to focus on children's ages and the wait-time for children because those issues are big deals for us. Since we have no parenting experience we are kind of terrified to adopt a child older than, say, 2 years old. And even 2 years old is kind of pushing it. Also, we don't want to wait for 5 years to adopt a child. We need to get this family started, right? We need to get this family started quickly, right?!
Let's go in alphabetical order, shall we?
China
From what we've learned, there are a lot of girls that need adopting in China. Many of the boys that need adopting have special needs. They range in age from 6 months to 14 years. That said, the wait time for an adoption in China is 3 to 5 years. Um. That's a really really long time.
Ethiopia
The ages of children who need adopting from Ethiopia range from 4 months to 15 years. It takes about 1-10 months to be matched with an infant or child. It takes 10-24 months if you want to be matched with siblings ages 0-6 years old. You wait 2-3 months from being matched to traveling. There are a lot of children, young and older, who need adopting. Travel takes about 7 days.
Guatemala
This country seems harder to adopt from than others. Some agencies aren't allowing applicants for it anymore. So we don't have a lot of info on it, which is too bad, because we are totally not scared of traveling to Guatemala!
Korea
Korea has mostly infants, 6 months and older who need adopting. You can only request a girl if your family has only sons. It takes 14-17 months to be matched with a child, but longer if you are requesting a girl. It takes 3-6 months from being matched to be able to travel and pick up your child. Travel takes about 3 days or you could have your child escorted to the US.
Peru
This country would be totally awesome because we already have connections there! However, from what we could find, you can only adopt kids ages 4 and up. And you have to stay in the country for about 30 days when you pick them up. Thaaat's a long time.
Russia
Russia has children ages 10 months to 15 years who need adopting. They have a policy where the kids have to be older than 9 months before they can be considered for international adoption. It takes 1-10 months to be matched with a child, and up to 14 months if you request a girl. (Again with the girls!) You have to make 2 trips to Russia. The first one is about 1 week where you can meet your child. The second trip is about 3 weeks long.
*I was told by one agency that there is a lot of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in Russia, but Russia doesn't really accept that as a disease so they don't mention it in medical information. So it's good to be aware of that possibility.*
Thailand
Thailand has children ages 15 months t0 15 years who need adopting. It takes 12-36 months to be matched with a young, healthy child. Then it takes 2-6 months from matched to travel. Travel is about 10-12 days.
Ukraine
Ukraine is very similar to Russia in it's ages of the children, gender, and travel time.
We didn't even mention Kazakhstan because you are required to make one long trip (12-16 weeks) or two or three shorter trips to adopt. You don't have to ask my dad to know that traveling to Kazakhstan takes a looong time and is super expensive.
So, is your head spinning now, too? Join the club.
We have our eye on a country or two. Can you guess which ones? (*Hint: We only like countries with cute kids.)
Since I'm currently filling my brain with all sorts of information about adoption from different countries, I've decided to spill my brain into this blog for everyone to read! I'm going to focus on children's ages and the wait-time for children because those issues are big deals for us. Since we have no parenting experience we are kind of terrified to adopt a child older than, say, 2 years old. And even 2 years old is kind of pushing it. Also, we don't want to wait for 5 years to adopt a child. We need to get this family started, right? We need to get this family started quickly, right?!
Let's go in alphabetical order, shall we?
China
From what we've learned, there are a lot of girls that need adopting in China. Many of the boys that need adopting have special needs. They range in age from 6 months to 14 years. That said, the wait time for an adoption in China is 3 to 5 years. Um. That's a really really long time.
Ethiopia
The ages of children who need adopting from Ethiopia range from 4 months to 15 years. It takes about 1-10 months to be matched with an infant or child. It takes 10-24 months if you want to be matched with siblings ages 0-6 years old. You wait 2-3 months from being matched to traveling. There are a lot of children, young and older, who need adopting. Travel takes about 7 days.
Guatemala
This country seems harder to adopt from than others. Some agencies aren't allowing applicants for it anymore. So we don't have a lot of info on it, which is too bad, because we are totally not scared of traveling to Guatemala!
Korea
Korea has mostly infants, 6 months and older who need adopting. You can only request a girl if your family has only sons. It takes 14-17 months to be matched with a child, but longer if you are requesting a girl. It takes 3-6 months from being matched to be able to travel and pick up your child. Travel takes about 3 days or you could have your child escorted to the US.
Peru
This country would be totally awesome because we already have connections there! However, from what we could find, you can only adopt kids ages 4 and up. And you have to stay in the country for about 30 days when you pick them up. Thaaat's a long time.
Russia
Russia has children ages 10 months to 15 years who need adopting. They have a policy where the kids have to be older than 9 months before they can be considered for international adoption. It takes 1-10 months to be matched with a child, and up to 14 months if you request a girl. (Again with the girls!) You have to make 2 trips to Russia. The first one is about 1 week where you can meet your child. The second trip is about 3 weeks long.
*I was told by one agency that there is a lot of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in Russia, but Russia doesn't really accept that as a disease so they don't mention it in medical information. So it's good to be aware of that possibility.*
Thailand
Thailand has children ages 15 months t0 15 years who need adopting. It takes 12-36 months to be matched with a young, healthy child. Then it takes 2-6 months from matched to travel. Travel is about 10-12 days.
Ukraine
Ukraine is very similar to Russia in it's ages of the children, gender, and travel time.
We didn't even mention Kazakhstan because you are required to make one long trip (12-16 weeks) or two or three shorter trips to adopt. You don't have to ask my dad to know that traveling to Kazakhstan takes a looong time and is super expensive.
So, is your head spinning now, too? Join the club.
We have our eye on a country or two. Can you guess which ones? (*Hint: We only like countries with cute kids.)
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Curiosity Quencher
So, assuming similar financial requirements, and leaving aside any age or gender considerations, if you had to choose only one of the following countries from which to adopt a child into your family (or ours, you pick), which would you choose, and why? Feel free to be candid. Your answer isn't judged on political correctness.
China, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Korea, Peru, Russia, Thailand, or Ukraine
China, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Korea, Peru, Russia, Thailand, or Ukraine
Sunday, June 7, 2009
International Adoption
Before I get into this next post on what is currently our adoption adventure, I'd like to say thanks to all of you who support us by reading our blog (and writing comments!) and following along with us on our adoption journey. It's nice to know we have cheerleaders cheering us on from the sidelines. So, thanks!
Two Thursdays ago I attended an Adoption Alternatives class that LDS Family Services puts on about once a month. Each month they focus on something different. This month it was on International Adoption. The class we last attended was on Foster Parenting. We haven't attended one since, but when we got the email for the one in May we both felt like we should go. Zack was going to be flying home from Maryland about the same time the class was going to start so we decided he would have his co-worker drive him home and I would attend the class.
The class was taught by a lady named Kelly who has adopted 6 children internationally. She had a lot of good information on a topic that we had initially thought was out of our reach. I haven't given international adoption much thought because I assumed the paperwork was horrific and the costs were huge. Kelly made it actually seem reasonable.
Not only did she make us aware of international adoption itself, but she also enlightened us on another aspect of international adoption that we hadn't considered: Special needs international adoption.
Special Needs basically means a child who is hard to place, whether it be because of race, age, mental or physical handicaps. A lot of kids are considered "special needs" merely because they are over the age of 3 or who are born with a physical ailment like a cleft palate or cleft lip.
Kelly showed us how we could adopt a special needs child and receive grants to help cover some of the costs.
So, we've been spending a lot of our time researching agencies and learning more about this process. International adoption is now in our range of possibilities.
Holt International, WACAP and Adoption Advocates are the agencies she highly recommends if you want to consider an international adoption or a special needs international adoption.
Two Thursdays ago I attended an Adoption Alternatives class that LDS Family Services puts on about once a month. Each month they focus on something different. This month it was on International Adoption. The class we last attended was on Foster Parenting. We haven't attended one since, but when we got the email for the one in May we both felt like we should go. Zack was going to be flying home from Maryland about the same time the class was going to start so we decided he would have his co-worker drive him home and I would attend the class.
The class was taught by a lady named Kelly who has adopted 6 children internationally. She had a lot of good information on a topic that we had initially thought was out of our reach. I haven't given international adoption much thought because I assumed the paperwork was horrific and the costs were huge. Kelly made it actually seem reasonable.
Not only did she make us aware of international adoption itself, but she also enlightened us on another aspect of international adoption that we hadn't considered: Special needs international adoption.
Special Needs basically means a child who is hard to place, whether it be because of race, age, mental or physical handicaps. A lot of kids are considered "special needs" merely because they are over the age of 3 or who are born with a physical ailment like a cleft palate or cleft lip.
Kelly showed us how we could adopt a special needs child and receive grants to help cover some of the costs.
So, we've been spending a lot of our time researching agencies and learning more about this process. International adoption is now in our range of possibilities.
Holt International, WACAP and Adoption Advocates are the agencies she highly recommends if you want to consider an international adoption or a special needs international adoption.
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