We Have Chosen

We've known what country we are going to adopt from for a few days now. In fact, we already have batches of paperwork done for our International Homestudy (because we are homestudy KINGS!) and we are awaiting the batches of paperwork from our adoption agency. We love paperwork!

We're already dreaming about how this new little person will fit into our family. Our family is unique in that we've never been able to have a real family picture of sorts. So we settled for something else. We have a picture of a flower to represent each family member. I'm a red rose, as per Zack's request. Zack's a sunflower because, well, do you KNOW Zack? And Joshua is a white daisy. We're not sure why, but we both thought he was a daisy independent of each other.

Our family portrait currently looks like this.

We've had these pictures up for almost 5 years now, but the lettering was a recent addition this past winter. Just for fun, here's a picture of Zack adding the lettering.

Don't worry. I was ready to call 911 if he fell down the stairs.

Every new addition to the family gets their own picture on the wall and, if possible, their flower planted in the yard somewhere. (Which reminds me we still don't have sunflowers out there. This needs to be remedied.)

For our newest addition, we've chosen this flower:

If you're still unsure as to which country we've chosen, tune in tomorrow when I'll probably add another hint.

Countries to Consider

It's fun to hear all your comments about which countries to adopt from. Keeeep 'em comin'.

Since I'm currently filling my brain with all sorts of information about adoption from different countries, I've decided to spill my brain into this blog for everyone to read! I'm going to focus on children's ages and the wait-time for children because those issues are big deals for us. Since we have no parenting experience we are kind of terrified to adopt a child older than, say, 2 years old. And even 2 years old is kind of pushing it. Also, we don't want to wait for 5 years to adopt a child. We need to get this family started, right? We need to get this family started quickly, right?!

Let's go in alphabetical order, shall we?

China
From what we've learned, there are a lot of girls that need adopting in China. Many of the boys that need adopting have special needs. They range in age from 6 months to 14 years. That said, the wait time for an adoption in China is 3 to 5 years. Um. That's a really really long time.

Ethiopia
The ages of children who need adopting from Ethiopia range from 4 months to 15 years. It takes about 1-10 months to be matched with an infant or child. It takes 10-24 months if you want to be matched with siblings ages 0-6 years old. You wait 2-3 months from being matched to traveling. There are a lot of children, young and older, who need adopting. Travel takes about 7 days.

Guatemala
This country seems harder to adopt from than others. Some agencies aren't allowing applicants for it anymore. So we don't have a lot of info on it, which is too bad, because we are totally not scared of traveling to Guatemala!

Korea
Korea has mostly infants, 6 months and older who need adopting. You can only request a girl if your family has only sons. It takes 14-17 months to be matched with a child, but longer if you are requesting a girl. It takes 3-6 months from being matched to be able to travel and pick up your child. Travel takes about 3 days or you could have your child escorted to the US.

Peru
This country would be totally awesome because we already have connections there! However, from what we could find, you can only adopt kids ages 4 and up. And you have to stay in the country for about 30 days when you pick them up. Thaaat's a long time.

Russia
Russia has children ages 10 months to 15 years who need adopting. They have a policy where the kids have to be older than 9 months before they can be considered for international adoption. It takes 1-10 months to be matched with a child, and up to 14 months if you request a girl. (Again with the girls!) You have to make 2 trips to Russia. The first one is about 1 week where you can meet your child. The second trip is about 3 weeks long.
*I was told by one agency that there is a lot of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in Russia, but Russia doesn't really accept that as a disease so they don't mention it in medical information. So it's good to be aware of that possibility.*

Thailand
Thailand has children ages 15 months t0 15 years who need adopting. It takes 12-36 months to be matched with a young, healthy child. Then it takes 2-6 months from matched to travel. Travel is about 10-12 days.

Ukraine
Ukraine is very similar to Russia in it's ages of the children, gender, and travel time.

We didn't even mention Kazakhstan because you are required to make one long trip (12-16 weeks) or two or three shorter trips to adopt. You don't have to ask my dad to know that traveling to Kazakhstan takes a looong time and is super expensive.

So, is your head spinning now, too? Join the club.
We have our eye on a country or two. Can you guess which ones? (*Hint: We only like countries with cute kids.)

Curiosity Quencher

So, assuming similar financial requirements, and leaving aside any age or gender considerations, if you had to choose only one of the following countries from which to adopt a child into your family (or ours, you pick), which would you choose, and why? Feel free to be candid. Your answer isn't judged on political correctness.

China, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Korea, Peru, Russia, Thailand, or Ukraine

International Adoption

Before I get into this next post on what is currently our adoption adventure, I'd like to say thanks to all of you who support us by reading our blog (and writing comments!) and following along with us on our adoption journey. It's nice to know we have cheerleaders cheering us on from the sidelines. So, thanks!

Two Thursdays ago I attended an Adoption Alternatives class that LDS Family Services puts on about once a month. Each month they focus on something different. This month it was on International Adoption. The class we last attended was on Foster Parenting. We haven't attended one since, but when we got the email for the one in May we both felt like we should go. Zack was going to be flying home from Maryland about the same time the class was going to start so we decided he would have his co-worker drive him home and I would attend the class.

The class was taught by a lady named Kelly who has adopted 6 children internationally. She had a lot of good information on a topic that we had initially thought was out of our reach. I haven't given international adoption much thought because I assumed the paperwork was horrific and the costs were huge. Kelly made it actually seem reasonable.
Not only did she make us aware of international adoption itself, but she also enlightened us on another aspect of international adoption that we hadn't considered: Special needs international adoption.
Special Needs basically means a child who is hard to place, whether it be because of race, age, mental or physical handicaps. A lot of kids are considered "special needs" merely because they are over the age of 3 or who are born with a physical ailment like a cleft palate or cleft lip.
Kelly showed us how we could adopt a special needs child and receive grants to help cover some of the costs.
So, we've been spending a lot of our time researching agencies and learning more about this process. International adoption is now in our range of possibilities.

Holt International, WACAP and Adoption Advocates are the agencies she highly recommends if you want to consider an international adoption or a special needs international adoption.

My plan

Sometimes I feel like my life has been stretched out. What should have only lasted a few months suddenly stretched out into years. What should have only lasted a few years is somehow stretched into a decade. My single years (once I graduated high school) were stretched into a comfortable 6 years. My teaching years have now grown to 9. And my and Zack's DINK years (Double Income No Kids) are stretching farther than we ever thought they would. I'm 31 and I feel like I'm really 24 or 25. My life really hasn't gone as I planned it. And I'm really glad about that. My life is way better than I planned.

When my parents got married, way back when, they didn't waste any time having kids. Jeff was born a short 11 months after they were married. I remember my mom once saying that she had a strong impression to hurry and have kids. Like Jeff was supposed to be born at that time and she had to hurry to make that happen. Her explanation at the time was that he probably knew Hannah and Heather were already there or on their way and he needed to be part of that cousins group. I have no doubt that was part of it. And there was so much more. It was all part of Jeff's plan. It was my mom's plan and my dad's plan, but most importantly, it was Jeff's plan.

When I think about my own kids I tend to think about it as MY plan. When will MY time to have kids come? What will MY timeline be for children? But really, it's not just my plan. It's my child's plan. Who am I to decide when they come? It's my plan, but it's also their plan. We're woven together. We're intertwined, this child, Zack and I. The threads will weave when the time is right.

The other night I started thinking about what would happen if we were to suddenly find ourselves pregnant. Instead of being excited, surprisingly my first thought was disappointment. Adoption has expanded my view. My perspective has changed. My heart has been growing to make room for more than our child. It was going to include the birth family. People I hoped to love and know very well. People I feel are already part of my life. People I pray for often. The thought of finding out I was pregnant meant taking all that love away. My family instantly shrunk. My perspective shortened. My life grew smaller and contained only a few people. It was, well, a disappointing thought.*

My plan has grown to include not just Zack, me and child. It also includes our birth parents. They have a plan, too. Their plan will be just as intimately intertwined with the life of this child as mine and Zack's thread will be. Someday the day will come when all of us will come together and what were once separate threads will now be woven into a strong chord of love. Whether their threads will show for a time and then seemingly disappear, becoming invisible but still there, or whether they will bring color and joy into our lives forever is up to them. (I'm hoping for the latter.) When my family grows it will not grow by one anymore. And somehow that seems more normal and wonderful to me than having our family the "normal" way.

*Please do not think, for an instant, that I would be sad to find myself pregnant. I would just have to change my perspective a bit. But I would be very happy.

Dear Journal,

Yesterday we got an e-mail about an all day class for families with a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. We signed up. It'll be a great learning opportunity, and I'll take all the training I can get!

Interesting day today. Carrie's school had kindergarten orientation today and we realized that Joshua would be getting ready for kindergarten! I forget that he'd be in the same grade as Kalli and Emma! Craziness. I'm too young and inexperienced for a kindergartner! If I had a 5 year old, I'd hope to be as good of a Dad as Mike and Doug though.

Found out that the birthmother from the Burgi lead decided to keep her baby. I was pleased that I felt happy for her and her baby. Every situation is so different, so I aspire to be like the counselors at LDSFS, and recognize that there is no absolute right decision. All they try to do is give the birthmother as much information as possible about each of the possible decisions, so the birthmother can make the best choice for her baby. Education and Agency, what a great method. Anyway, I wish her the very best.

We stopped by Carrie's parent's house tonight to say hi. Carrie's Mom is an incredible caretaker for Lucille, Carrie's Grandma, who has had dementia for some time now. Since Elaine was starting to get Lucille ready for bed, Carrie decided that she should know how, just in case the need arose in the future. So I was just thinking about those three great women in there. Lucille is a great artist (we have a couple of her painting in our house) who clung to the gospel for support throughout her life. Even now, the most comforting thing she can do to pass the time is watch conference on TV. It soothes her spirit. Elaine is amazing in so many ways. She is creative and artistic and has a great ability to teach others all that she knows about so many things. She is caring and very cognisant of others needs. I couldn't ask for a better mother in law. And then there is Carrie. Don't even get me started :o) Suffice it to say right now, that Carrie continues a great legacy of strong, loving, faithful women. Her desire to serve others drives her to want to know all she can so she can help at the drop of a hat if necessary. I can't help but be excited to meet the next in this line of women. What an honor it will be to meet her and learn from her. I enjoy picturing my very own daughter in there with three generation of experience and faith and love, teaching and growing and helping each other. I can't wait!

The Walls Have Ears

Today at lunch I decided to sit at the a table in the lunchroom and quickly eat instead of eating while I work. Shortly after sitting down a group of people came in to the lunchroom and started chatting while they heated up their lunch. Part of the conversation went like this:

Girl #1: How's your new baby?
Girl #2: She's hard and fun at the same time. Here's a picture!
Boy: She's so cute!
Girl #2: Thanks. Guess what? The other day I saw a baby in the store and I said, "that baby is so cute", and a lady nearby said, "yeah, but not all babies are cute". Can you believe it?
Girl #1: No WAY! What is her problem? Even if babies aren't cute you don't SAY they aren't cute.
Girl #2: Yeah, I don't get what her problem was.
Boy: She probably has a hard time conceiving or something.
All: Ha Ha Ha!!
Zack: (Happy 3-month-anniversary-of-being-approved-for-adoption-and-just-over-5-year-anniversary-of-losing-our-baby-boy to meeeeeeee....next time, I'm just going back to my "desk" to eat my lunch.)

Actually, my mind was filled with much less self-pity, and a 'PINCH' more ire, but by the time I finished my yogurt, I just felt sad wondering how many times I've said something incredibly insensitive without being aware. You just never know who might be listening, or what experiences those around you have had to go through. So I'm going to try to be more uplifting in my speech, and to any of you who I've unknowingly offended, please accept my sincere apology.

To those of you who I've knowingly offended, it means I think you are cool enough to tease...but I'll try to tone that down as well :o)