Home Visit

I just realized that neither Carrie nor I took the opportunity to donate an update about our home visit to the blogosphere.

Our home visit was scheduled for the evening of December 1. I was worried about it just because I didn't really know what to expect. As it turns out, I should have been about as worried as my boss (who was also my boss at SHPI, but that's a story unrelated to adoption). When I explained to him that our caseworker would come over and look through the house to make sure it looked like a place that would be okay to raise kids in, he just started laughing. He has been to our house and has known Carrie and I for a few years now, so he knew that we keep things more or less in order and that all of our house decisions have revolved around having kids someday. Between laughs and through tears he'd manage to peep out something about hiding some dangerous item, or he'd mimic a caseworker in horror as she looked through our home.

So yeah, the tour went remarkably well and the caseworker had nothing but positive comments. I guess I, like Mark, shouldn't have been surprised. I'm sure that it helped that we found out Carrie was pregnant about a week after moving in to our house, but we have all of our cleaning supplies and such high and out of the way. We have a nursery with all the fixings including a fancy paint job. We're clean enough and orderly enough to have things look nice without being so OCD that we aren't capable of having a mess around. We also have two dogs, so we have to keep things away from their reach. Not to mention that we both love our house and we like to do projects and make our own decorations and such.

After the tour we sat down and looked through some of the documents we've submitted. Our diligent caseworker made sure that we understood the impact of some of our answers and made sure that we understood as well as we could what it meant to have a baby around.

Her: "They smile and are cute all the time and they never make messes or add any financial burden. Are you sure you're ready to accept a simply beautiful bundle of joy into your lives?"
Us: "Sure, that sounds easy enough"

But seriously, She did a very good job and I'm glad they ask the kinds of questions she did. It's always good to get someone else's viewpoint and insight. As long as you are never ignorant enough to think you know everything, you just might learn something useful.

Update for the Sake of Updating

Yep. Still waiting. Lucky for us no one is giving babies up for adoption around this time of year, so we aren't missing any opportunities as we wait. Besides, we hear people complain all the time about how horrible it would be to have a baby at Christmas-time. What an annoying gift that'd be...
Too cynical? eh.

Individual Interviews and Adoption Alternatives

We went to our individual interviews last week. They were exactly what Zack predicted: Kate just asked us the same questions from our questionnaire and we parroted back the same answers we'd written. I guess I can see why they'd want to interview you in person as well as having you write down answers to the questions, but for us it felt repetitive. But that's just us.

We also attended an adoption alternatives class that week. They hold meetings every few months and talk about, well, adoption alternatives. The one we attended was on foster care. We already knew how we felt about foster care and this didn't do anything to change it, but we did get some good information.

This Monday we will have our Home Visit. That's when Kate comes over and checks out our house to make sure it's a safe environment for a child. You know, no explosives lying around. Poisons and firearms placed at least arms distance from the reach of short arms. All pointy edges safely covered with cork and/or marshmallows. Stuff like that.
We're not supposed to have our house looking "perfect", as they say, because that looks "suspicious". So instead of cleaning our house in preparation we're going to trash it, just a little, to look like "regular people's houses". Regular people who aren't hiding aaaanything.

A Birthmother's Point of View

I find that whenever I have a spare moment to just peruse the computer, I start searching for more adoption blogs. It feels good to read other people's joys and struggles. Well, not so much the struggles. I only like reading the joys.

While I was reading about someone's joy I came across this post.

I really shouldn't read stuff like this late at night when Zack isn't around. But then again, maybe it's the best time to read it.

My hope is that our birthmother feels the same way about her child as this birthmother feels about hers.

Big Kids

I ran into my bishop last night (actually I just walked near him) and we talked a bit about adoption. He had just finished the recommendation form he had to fill out and he said that he was very positive and even suggested multiples for us! He asked how the process is going and I asked him if he'd ever seen cold molasses flowing down a tree trunk.

While I know everything will work out how it should, the logical side says, "Hey! We're missing out on potential prospects because you're making this process so slow!" That's right, MAKING. The actual requirements could be done in a couple weeks by a highly motivated couple, at least, all the requirements that have been brought to my attention so far. The hard thing is scheduling interviews in a few hour window on either Monday or Wednesday. So if you call on a Wednesday, they are likely filled up for that day, the following Monday AND the following Wednesday. So that leaves you with an appointment 12 days away. The other hard part is taking the classes that are offered quarterly...except when they get cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against any of the requirements. I am glad that they do such an extensive check (even if it would make ANYone feel like they are the worst/greatest couple ever, kind of like feeling hot and cold water simultaneously in a poorly designed faucet) because an adopted child should be placed with a family capable of giving him/her all s/he deserves. Also, I think it is a good thing to learn patience. Just last night I had a chat with one of my scouts that went something like this:

Him - "Will you buy me some ice cream, I'll pay you back!"
Me - "No."
Him - "Whyyyyyy?!?!?"
Me - "I'm supposed to help teach you fiscal responsibility, which means that sometimes you have to have delayed gratification."
Him - "Oh, I understand. Thanks for caring about me enough to make the hard decisions. You're the best Scoutmaster a kid could have!"

Sorry, I may have taken some liberties with that last line. I know that is what he meant, but it actually SOUNded more like this:

Him - "What? Come on!"
Me - "Sorry. I don't want to teach you to go into debt."
Him - "But I'll pay you back!"
Me - "That's what debt is"

SO he proceeded to go get a free cookie. Yeah, Dick's Market gives them away to kids (good for me to know....)

Anyway, the moral of the blog is that working with kids helps me see how we learn the same lessons our whole life, just on a different scale.

Me - "Will you give me a baby, I'll take care of it!!"
God - "No."
Me - "Whyyyyyy?!?!?"
God - "I'm trying to help teach you to be a good person, which means that sometimes you have to have delayed gratification."
Me - "What? Come on!"
God - "Sorry. But you need to have more patience."
Me - "But we're ready NOW!"
God - "That's what patience is"

I mean...

Me - "Oh, I understand. Thanks for caring about me enough to make the hard decisions. You're the best Heavenly Father a kid could have!"

Zack attempts to write a short blog

I guess it is worth noting that on Wednesday Carrie and I had our physicals. We duped the doc into thinking we are both very healthy (but not before Carrie had a sore arm and I had two, from shots). Afterwords we went to LDSFS and turned in all of our offline documents!
The most enjoyable part of the day though was that we had both taken off a few hours in the middle of the day to get our physicals, so we decided to go to lunch :o). Carrie had never been to Dee's, and I haven't since we got married, so we went there for a hot chocolate and a lumberjack breakfast. As we drove there in separate cars, I looked back at my cute wife and she was dancing to some song on the radio. So I decided to check the regular radio stations and try to figure out which one she was listening to. No, I didn't run into the car in front of me. It was a fun game, and I think I'll try playing it more often on those rare occasions when we are joined at the bumper instead of the hip.
We then had to go back to work, but it was a very fun day. Thanks Carrie :o)

Writing....and writing.............and writing

Zack and I are nearly finished filling out our questionnaires. You wouldn't think so, but answering 45 essay questions about yourself and your family is a little time consuming. We spent all Sunday afternoon answering questions and we spent most of tonight answering questions. (My answers are currently 17 pages long. Zack's are 9. Huh. And I thought HE was the wordy one.)

The hardest part is not quite knowing what is expected of us in how we should answer each question. I've ended up treating them kind of like mini-blogs in that I'm being a little creative in my answers. I'm also taking liberties and writing waaaay more than just your standard answer to most questions. (Hence the 17 pages and counting.)

For example, one question is "Provide a physical description of your house."
My description begins with this statement:
"Our house is a rambler. The people who live in the house are also ramblers when it comes to talking about the house." Then I procede to write a 2 1/2 page "description" of the house we love. Excessive? Maybe. But I don't go so far as to describe the crack that runs along the entryway ceiling. I'm not THAT excessive.

I'm almost finished with all the questions. I just have the following questions to tweak:
"Describe your parenting experience." (How do you parent when you're not currently a parent?)

"Describe your methods to teach and discipline children." (I guess I should leave out the duct tape....right?)

And "Relate any special experiences or memories." (I'm having a hard time narrowing it down. Family, any thoughts?)