In which I'm learning to be more understanding

I like to take a small notebook to church with me. Sometimes I take notes, sometimes I don't. Sometimes those notes are a great reminder to me of how to think and act in tough situations.


As you all are abundantly aware, Zack and I are being made to wait longer than expected for this little one to join our family. It's kind of hard and kind of annoying. And it's most annoying to have to explain to everyone over and over that we are still waiting. When people come up to me in church and say "Sooo, any news?!" I find myself just giving a quick "still waiting" and then I walk on. I've found that the most effective response is, "When you see us with a baby, then there's news. If you see us without a baby, then there's no news." Most people have understood and haven't really asked us about the baby after that. Thank you!

And then there are those people who haven't quite figured out what's appropriate to say in a situation like this.

A few Sundays ago Zack and I were approached by someone in our ward whose name I didn't know, but whom I knew by sight. This well-meaning individual came up to Zack and said "So, did you lose the baby?"

Zack, struggling to recover from such a blunt, insensitive statement, said, "Um no, we're just still waiting." After this nice person walked away Zack turned to me and asked, "Who WAS that?"

My response: "I don't know their name, but I wrote about them in church today."

We both started chuckling and that put an end to any hurt feelings we might have had against that person. You see, they didn't mean to be insensitive. And we were reminded not to take offense.

I think we all have times in our lives when we are going through a hard time. And we'll all encounter well-meaning people whose only desire is to understand us or to make us feel better. Sometimes they fall short of that mark. But they don't mean to offend. So I'm not going to take offense.

*Rule of thumb: If you know someone pretty well and talk to them fairly frequently and are considered a friend, feel free to talk to them about tough times they are having in their life. You know them well enough to know what is appropriate to say and what's not and if your friend says "I don't want to talk about it" you'll understand.

But if you don't know them at all and NEVER talk to them, please, please, please do not pry into their life to find information on tough times they are having. A simple "I'm praying for you" or "I'm sorry for your loss" (if it's a death in the family) will do if you really have to say something. Don't give advice and don't ask questions.