Because it isn't nice to keep you in the dark...

We had to cancel our trip to Florida. It's a long story, or maybe it's not. The end of the story is (we think) the birthfather appeared and decided to parent the baby. We're preeettty sure that's true. Either way, we aren't adopting this baby.

We were not really surprised by the turn of events. Things hadn't felt right for quite some time and we knew something was up. To be truly honest, even at the beginning, even when we agreed to adopt her, even after we signed papers and all that jazz, even then we had a gut feeling that this just might not work out. But we both felt that we were supposed to go through it anyway.

We're not sure why.

Maybe something will happen in the future with this little girl. Maybe this was something Caleb needed us to do. Maybe we had to learn a few lessons that wouldn't have come any other way. And maybe this just puts us in the right time-frame to adopt our next child.

Who knows?

All we do know is that we were supposed to go through this. We're sad we don't have this little girl as we know that she is not going to be raised in the best environment, but we trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and this little girl and maybe it's just not the same plan.

Update on Babygirl

For those of you who were wondering, we did finally get our tax return. (Yay!)

And now I thought I'd update ya'll on what's going on with our adoption.

As most of you know (I think. ...that cryptic post threw some of you for a loop.), we're planning on adopting Caleb's birth-sister this summer. She's due on September 1st. We were positive she'd come early since Caleb came early and so did his birth-siblings. Well, this girl has decided to be different. She's 38 weeks along as of today.

We're currently just waiting for a call (or email? ...text?) from the attorney to let us know when she's arrived.

We keep in regular contact with the birthmom, Cynthia, who, of course, is Caleb's birthmom as well. This has been good and bad. We're really glad we've been able to talk with her as we never had any contact with her when we adopted Caleb. We've been able to get a few pictures of her which we've wanted for a long time. It's been good to hear her talk about Caleb and her life now.

As would be expected, this is a highly emotional time of her life and, from what we've gathered, she doesn't have a lot of support. Since the adoption is through an attorney she doesn't even have a social worker to talk to when things are rough. We've been able to step into that role a little bit, but it's a little difficult seeing as, you know, we're the hopeful adoptive parents. It's hard to be unbiased.

We're hopeful that when the baby comes everything will work out and this little girl will go where she's meant to go. Like we tell almost everyone we talk to about it, adoption is never a done deal until papers are signed and the baby is in our arms.

While we wait for the arrival of this little girl we just ask that you keep her and Cynthia in your prayers. Hopefully the next post will be a baby announcement!

Inefficiency

These are the facts:

The government is giving a tax credit to those who adopt.

The tax credit is a lot of money, at least to us.

In order to get the tax credit you have to prove you adopted a child in the past year.

This means you need to give them proof. Proof is an adoption decree and receipts that prove you spent all the money you said you spent.

You'd think that would be simple.

Enter the IRS.

Here's what is happening with our tax credit and, from what I've read, many many adoptive couples tax credits.

We sent the required documents with our tax return.

A month later we got a letter saying that we are being audited (only for the adoption tax credit part) and could we please send proof of adoption plus receipts?

We got two of these letters, actually. One addressed to me and one to Zack.

A week or so later we got another letter saying that they checked everything, they found a mistake, they fixed the mistake (There was no mistake, btw. Their correction was the same as our original numbers.) and they would be sending us our tax return within 4 to 6 weeks.

Okay.

4 to 6 weeks later .....no tax return.

We called them and here's more or less how the conversation went:

Us: Why haven't we gotten our tax return?

Them: You need to send us proof of adoption and receipts.

Us: You told us we didn't need to do that.

Them: Oh, that wasn't us, that was a different department.

Us: ?????

Us: Why are there two different departments in the IRS sending out contradictory letters to people? Don't you guys communicate?

Them: ?????

Us: We already sent in proof with our tax return. Why do we have to send it again?

Them: When we send things to the auditing department we only send the return, not all your paperwork.

Us: Wh..Wh..Wh.. Why? Why? Why? Why? Never mind....

Trying to figure out why they do it this way makes my brain hurt.

So, now we have to resend our paperwork so the auditing department can verify it and decide if we really adopted Caleb in 2010.

Oh, I forgot the best part. A couple days ago we got a bill from the IRS for all the time they have (not) spent auditing us. Fortunately, the nice person we talked to on the phone told us it was coming and to disregard it. I only hope the bill came from her department.

Oh, Government, you always know the most efficient ways to do things. I can't wait until you are in charge of my health care.

We'll Try To Make This Easy For You

I took the liberty of revealing our oh-so-clever code in the email. We italicized the words of our message, but now I'll bold them as well.

We'll give more detailed information in a later post, but the short version of this is Caleb's birthmom is pregnant and we are adopting her baby. The long version involves a sordid tale of attorney's, adoption agencies, families from states that begin with the letter I and a whole host of emails and phones calls. Stay tuned...

Last summer We were chatting with my bro and his wife about kids and family planning and whatnot. Zack and I made the comment that we wanted our kids to be close in age. We’ve had to wait so long for them that we aren’t interested in spacing them out too much. We don’t like the idea of having an infant in our 40's. Of course, we understand that we are not completely in charge of the process and Heavenly Father will direct and guide our family down whatever path we’re supposed to go down. But if we could choose, we would choose close together. Get those diapers and bottles out of the way as soon as possible! Since we aren’t having kids the traditional way, we think it’s okay to take advantage of a few of the benefits. When you are adopting your kids, you are able to have more kids in a closer amount of time because you don’t have to go by that pesky 9 month time frame. It’s possible our kids could be less than 9 months apart. Our baby girl in Ethiopia could be a testament to that.

Just a few months after we had that conversation, Noah entered the picture. Surprise! We know that confused a lot of people seeing as how we were all waiting for the baby from Ethiopia, but Heavenly Father knew what he was doing. It was just crazy that while waiting for Ethiopia we now had a child from Florida and one from Pennsylvania. Our plan for having our kids close together was going nicely. They are 14 months apart. Not bad. Our only regret is that they will still be 2 years apart in school due to the fact that Caleb was born in August and Noah was born in October.

So, we have two kids close in age now and, as you all know, we are expecting another one from Ethiopia as soon as she’s supposed to come. In our own little planning world, we have decided that the best day for her to be born would be around July 25th of this year. That would place her in the same grade as Noah (which, for some reason, we think would be absolutely awesome) but it would put them about a year apart in age. With the Ethiopian adoption time-frame, that would mean we’d get a referral around September or October and then bring her home by summer of next year. Sounds kind of far away, right? Well, as it so happens, we are not in charge of any of that. The Lord is in charge of our family. He decides who should come and when.

So, it should come as no surprise to anyone when we give you the following news. We have decided to put our Ethiopian adoption on hold for now. We feel very strongly that this is the right thing for our family and are very much at peace. We still plan to adopt from Ethiopia. Just not this year!

Just The Same

This Poem was published in our church's monthly magazine, The Ensign.

I love it.

Just The Same

By Diana Lynn Lacey.

Sometimes-

God sends rain

Straight from the sky

To nourish the young flower

and it grows.

Sometimes-

God sends rain from the sky

To the mountaintops,

Then over hills and through valleys

Until it reaches the flower

and it grows, just the same.

Sometimes-

God sends a child

Straight from His realm

Into a mother's arms

and love grows.

Sometimes-

God sends a child

From heaven to another's arms,

Then over hills and through valleys

Until he reaches the arms of his mother

and loves grows, just the same.

We're Getting Closer

I bet you're all wondering, "Hey, what's the deal with Carrie and Zack? When are they going to bring their baby home from Ethiopia?"

Aw, thanks for asking. You are too kind to think of us.

Here's where we are:

The next couple waiting for a girl sent their dossier in July of 2009. Our dossier was sent in September. Sounds like we are pretty far down the list, right?

WRONG!

There's only, like, 2 people ahead of us now who are waiting for girls! Possibly even just one couple ahead of us! That means we could get a call any day now...ooor we could still wait for another month or so. You just never know.

If we had kept with our original plan to accept a boy, then we'd already have a referral. We think it's pretty amazing that the timing was just perfect and the wait was just long enough for us to feel like we needed to change our preference to getting a girl. If things hadn't gone just as they had, then we'd have a referral for a boy right now and we would have missed that little girl waiting for us. The Lord is definitely in charge of our family.

The other night Zack was feeling pretty sad because our baby has most likely been born by now and he was picturing her all alone in a crib in some orphanage. If you have kids, just for a minute imagine your child in that situation right now. Kind of rips your heart out, right? But then Zack got the feeling that our loved ones who are in the Spirit World right now are watching over her and keeping her company. Just picturing that in my mind gives me so much peace. She's in good hands.

Fingerprints or How to Feel Like a Foreigner

Today we got fingerprinted for the 3rd time. When you adopt you need a background check and you need to be fingerprinted so the powers that be can check to see if you are felon and deem you unworthy to have children. Because our I-171H expired (the piece of paper that says we can bring an international orphan home) in February, we have to have it renewed. Being fingerprinted is a key part of that renewal process.

Getting fingerprinted is fun! You first have to ask permission to be fingerprinted. (We had to ask permission from USCIS. If you want to know who or what that is, google it because I'm not even really sure who they are or what the letters stand for. I just know they are the ones who grant us permission to bring an international orphan home.) Then you wait for them to send you a piece of paper telling you what time you get to be fingerprinted. Then you go to the designated place at the designated time and they get all your info and then you sit and wait. While you are waiting you notice that EVERYONE around you is either a) Hispanic or b) from some other foreign country. (And you are reminded that this is an immigration office and you are actually here on behalf of your child. And you think "If I feel uncomfortable here because I don't look like anyone else, just think how my child is going to feel growing up with this feeling ALL THE TIME." And then you make a mental note to read another book on trans-racial adoption and/or possibly move to Clearfield where there is more diversity.)

After you get fingerprinted (It's electronic! Not messy! And won't take a week to get to the USCIS office!) you walk out of there feeling happy that you have checked off yet another item from the continually growing list of things you need to do to get your child home.

BTW, the next item on the list is: Wait. It shows up on the list multiple times!

A side note: The first time we were fingerprinted it was just me and Zack. The second time we were fingerprinted is was me, Zack and Caleb. The third time we were fingerprinted it was me, Zack, Caleb and Noah. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this pattern.